


I've been falling out of control, I think of you wherever I go

by buckybunnyteeth



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, asexual!reid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 00:18:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17415341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybunnyteeth/pseuds/buckybunnyteeth
Summary: Reid has been dating Luke for a while, and he hasn't told him that he is asexual yet.





	I've been falling out of control, I think of you wherever I go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DancingForRain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingForRain/gifts).



“Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone - and finding that that's ok with them.”

― Alain de Botton

 

“I love these baby corns.”

“Baby corn is actually just normal corn, but they harvest them while the stalks are still immature which is why they are so small. They’re hand-picked as soon as the corn silks emerge from the ear tips because they have to time the harvest perfectly to avoid ending up with mature corn ears.”

Luke smiles as he pops one of the baby corns in his mouth.

Reid glares and slaps his hand away from the wok.

“You’ll burn yourself,” he admonishes him, his heart not really in it, “Can you pass me the bowls please?”

Luke nabs another baby corn first but crosses the kitchen to get the bowls.

Spencer turns down the heat on the stove. After its cooled for a minute, he takes the bowls from Luke and portions out the stir-fry.

“Mmm, smells good,” Luke runs a hand up his back as he passes by to set the table, “Hey Roxy?”

Roxy, who has been sitting by Reid’s legs and making pathetic whimpering noises the whole time Reid has been cooking, tips her head to the side and whines. Reid takes pity on her and slips her a bit of meat when Luke has his back turned.

“I saw that.”

“No, you didn’t,” Reid walks over and lays the bowls on the table, “Maybe you sensed it.”

Roxy’s tail thumps against the chair legs as she curls up under Luke’s seat.

Luke knocks their shoulders together and they share a smile as they dig into their meal.

Or rather, Luke digs in and Spencer has to force himself to choke down the food. His stomach is rolling, and he feels like he’s going to be sick.

He and Luke have been dating for seven weeks, five days and three hours. And it's been wonderful, more than wonderful actually. Luke is so warm and loving and funny. Spencer honestly never thought he would get to have something like this. He’s tried before, in the past, but there has always been a roadblock of some kind.

The relationship he had with Maeve was one of the happiest he ever had. They were so similar. In more ways than he told his team about.

He and Luke aren’t similar-

Luke is more athletic than him, but that’s mostly just resulted in them going on walks together with Roxy. Luke is more outgoing, but that’s actually helped him in social situations when he doesn’t know what to say. And Luke’s taste in movies and books is different, but Reid’s beginning to enjoy blockbuster action movies and superhero films, and Luke’s beginning to read some of his more analytical and jargon-heavy books.

-but they aren’t completely different either. They’re different in complementary ways.

But Reid is keeping something from him.

He eats on autopilot, barely tasting the stir-fry.

He’s told Luke about his struggle against Dilaudid, about Tobias Hankel, and Maeve and his short speedy college relationships. He’s told him about his mother, his non-existent relationship with his father and his weird psudeo-paternal relationship with Gideon, and all the ways those people shaped him. Hell, he’s even told him about Lila Archer.

But he hasn’t told him this. And he can’t keep it secret for long. That wouldn’t be healthy for either of them.

Because Reid knows that they are different in this way too. Luke likes sex. And Spencer doesn’t.

They finish their dinner and Spencers hands start shaking.

It's not that he’s scared. He nervous, sure. But Luke’s a good man. He won’t get upset.

But god, Spencer's heart is going to shatter if he gets let down easy.

“Okay,” Luke claps his hands together after dumps the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and walks over to the couch, “I’ve got _Antman and the Wasp_ , or … _Oceans 8_ , which I hear is really good, my sister actually bout it for me and demanded I call her the second I’ve watched it.”

Reid trails after him, wringing his hands as he follows him into the living room.

He wonders what it's going to feel like going to work with Luke after they’ve broken up.

Why was he stupid enough to date a teammate?

Luke is smiling while he talks, and those dimples instantly remind him why.

“Should we pause halfway through to make popcorn or should I make it now? I know we just ate, but I could go for a salty snack right now-”

“I need to tell you something.”

Luke looks up from where he was arranging the pillows on the couch. He must see the seriousness on Reid’s face because his smile slips away, and he instantly looks concerned.

“Okay,” he says, voice so soft, “Okay, I’m listening. Is something wrong?”

“No, it’s- it’s nothing bad I promise … it's important though.”

“Okay. Do you want to sit down?”

“No, I- I just need to say it.”

Luke nods and sits on the couch. Spencer reads it as him giving over the dominance in the situation, making Reid feel like he has more control by giving him the floor. It doesn’t make him feel any less nervous though.

“I-” Reid clears his throat, “We’ve been seeing each other for a while now and its been good- more than good, I actually can’t think of a proper descriptor because wonderful is too vague and perfect sounds too false for a real-life relationship, because people aren’t perfect- though you’ve … you’ve been pretty close.”

Luke smiles at him and it makes him feel a little brave.

“But I know you’ve been … you’ve been picking up on my signals and holding back on the sexual part of our relationship and-and that can only go on for so long before I have to be honest with you.”

Luke nods and Reid fists his hands in the front of his jumper.

“I’m … Asexual.”

Luke nods again, the soft smile not leaving his face.

Reid frowns.

“Did-did you hear me?”

Luke stands up and comes around the couch, and god here it comes, the good-natured let down the offer to stay friends and that none of this will affect their work-

“Thank you for telling me,” Luke says, unwinding his hands form his jumper to hold them in his own, “I was going to bring up the topic eventually.”

Okay, Spencer is getting confused.

“…Do you want me to go?”

Luke frowns.

“I thought we were going to watch a movie?”

“But-I- Luke, I know you like sex! You’ve told me that you’ve had sexual relationships in the past- And I can’t give that to you!”

Realization dawns on Luke’s face and he smiles again, thumbs massaging Spencer's knuckles.

“I do like sex, but it's not important to me,” Luke leans into him, speaking softly, “I’ve always thought people put too much emphasis on it, frankly. What we have, I know its new, but its way more important than sex.”

A shiver goes up Spencer's spine.

“You think that now-”

“-and I’ll think it later too. It’s the intimacy I like, Spencer. And what we’ve been doing has been plenty intimate.”

He thinks about all the things they’ve shared together and agrees. They hunt the darkness together, they’ve seen each other in horrible situations, angry and hurt and broken. It's more than he shared with anyone before.

Spencer bites his lip.

This feels too good to be true.

“I don’t want you to miss out on anything.”

“And I don’t want you to give more than you can,” a look of doubt comes over Luke’s face, “Unless this is you looking for an out?”

“No!” Reid clasps their hands tighter, “I’ve been really happy I just- … I think I made myself panic a little. I had the idea that you might end things over this.”

“Have other people done that before?”

“Not really. But most of the people I’ve been with we either haven’t gotten this far, or they’ve been the same as me.”

Luke nods.

“Okay, so … watch a movie now?”

Reid laughs and Luke sways in before freezing.

“Um … is kissing still okay?”

Reid closes the gap between them, catching the other man’s mouth in a tender kiss.

“Yes,” he says when they part, “Kissing’s good.”

“And cuddlin’ up on the couch?”

“Is perfect.”

Luke’s smile broadens.

“Excellent.”

Reid chuckles and kisses him again.

“Thank you.”

“For what, being a decent person?”

“No just … for being you.”

“I don’t know how to be anybody else.”

Reid laughs and kisses his cheek. He feels a little giddy.

Luke breaks away from him and goes to the kitchen to make popcorn, leaving Spencer to stand there feeling like he’s floating on cloud nine.

Of course, Luke would accept his sexuality, more than accept it, want to continue their relationship. Luke has always been too good to be true.

“So,” Luke says when they finally sit down on the couch, “You wanna watch _Antman and the Wasp_ and rant about the weird wrong science at me afterward?”

Spencer leans his head down on his shoulder and instantly feels like he could spend the rest of his life like this. Though, it's too early to tell Luke that.

“Yes, very much.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> just a couple o' things  
> 1\. Reid's nervousness is because he assumes the worst will happen always, not because he is ashamed of being asexual just wanted to make that clear  
> 2\. Lukes taste in movies is my taste in movies, no judgment  
> 3\. god I would kill for a stirfry right now  
> 4\. all baby corn info from wiki
> 
> this is written for my lovely friend who is @alloverthegaf on tumblr and who likes my cm fics, which is weird. i hope you like this one too!


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